MOTHER
I once listened to an inspirational speech that had me thinking about my purpose and the why to my life. By then, all I could think about was my family as the goal was work hard and help home for the conditions were not as pleasant in the material world. Looking around this I did not even know what clarifies to be a purpose or an inspiration, but the question as to why I do what I do, always ended up with helping my family. Then more knowledge sometimes means more grief as it became clear that we are all given a single day to live, we never have a tomorrow, so what if, and only what if, we lose the people we have committed to work our best to help. Will we still get back up, Will I still stand and do the thing that I am doing? And it was then that I realized that all this time my family have been inspiring me to work towards something, and that thing had nothing to do with helping them, as each one of us in the family have had their own sweet hustle and did not sit to wait for someone to come to the rescue. We all had dreams, almost related, and maybe because we are but we all drew motivation and inspiration from each other as we strived towards that which our hearts desire. For my three brothers, it has been music, and art, as for me, it has been writing. But in all this I come here again to realize, that the family has gone through the journey with me, but my mother has been my comfort, my colleague, my mother, and my inspiration. For I look back and I can only see my mum and how many times she told me to iron that school shirt and be ready for school a night before. The times she woke me up and held my hand for a prayer as I was about to face NECTA, a Tanzania national examination that culture has magnified its importance to the point that it acts as a space a person can identify with or a space that can put an identity to a person’s life that would last forever. I think of those times where I had passed my exams in accordance to other people and well to some I still had failed but to my mum, she always considered the journey as a much bigger exam and challenge than what the papers and marks would come and say. I only think of when I was getting to my A level, going to a school I had never heard about and a region I have never been to, and yet her voice and her presence had been with me all the way. With the lonely times. Those days I had to have things that my peer had, but I couldn’t have maybe because of the space I was exposed on at that moment, or because of insufficient capital, even in these spaces I had confidence, love, courage and inspiration because my mum was right next to me.
School trips I missed never felt missed. Places I couldn’t be never felt like a big deal. To the nights where I had terrible dreams, she was next door to tell me, that was just a dream, but also joke and ask me to tell her about it. And for the mornings where I couldn’t wake up, I can remember the morning I had my periods for the first time, I remember how she told me I might have to face the situation differently from the rest of my peers because I was different, but the truth was I just couldn’t afford what I was supposed to afford being in that situation, and she had no plans of letting me think that we do not have enough even at the times we didn’t she made sure the house was full of jokes and laughter. I remember being sick, I remember being in situations that I almost died, I remember being far and I remember being alone, but one thing that was common in all these spaces, and one which I thank God for, as it has been common to this moment is that my mum has always been standing right next to or right Infront of me somehow. With technology now days, I am even luckier or as I call it being blessed further, for we have to text each other anything inspirational every morning and we also have to talk for at least five minutes each day. I know how little five minutes are, but I also know how fast days pass by, for just a few days ago, I was a little girl, and now grown up, stuck in the world where being busy is being normal, I can only stand I pray that I fully enjoy those five minutes which are never really five, and I enjoy each message I receive from her.
My journey on Earth started with her, maybe that is why she is so important, for I would not have a journey on this earth if not for her or if for a single second, things didn’t happen the way they did. I am happy she is stuck with me and I with her. Her, trusting my crazy dreams and the big goals I make, pushes me further for I feel that the woman I am becoming is generally the woman she would have been, if born and gone through all that I have been exposed to. If tables changed and I would be my mother and she me, then she would have been the woman I strive to be each day. She became, so that I can be. She was and is so I would be encouraged to become who I want to be.
I can never stop thanking her also for all the times where each parent saw opportunities and said no to their kids, but she said yes to me. She brought me up in the middle of a culture where girls got pregnant at their teenage years and this was normal, and yet she trusted that my dreams will be the ones to carry me and direct my path, and not culture. She held my hand where I needed and where I thought I did not. She walks me through places only a mother can take their daughter, a place of peace and appreciation of my womanhood. A place of respect. And a home. She gave me a home, a place to be, as long as she is with me. And the biggest of them all, she introduced me to GOD. And that walks me through each day filled with inspiration as this is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it. Asante Mama.
With Love, to my mother, Naomi Nana Mattary, Your only Girl child.