DEAR MAMA

How would I define you? How do I define your childhood consequences? Apart from the lack of money, I know of how you felt a father’s love and lost it. Not only you, because your mama lost her husband’s love, and she thought it was because she was ugly. She held on to this lie to the point she wanted to inflict it on you. Am glad now you know the truth. It was not because you never had a great voice, not because you were ugly, but it was the pain inflicted on others, and now, brought down to a generation that had arrived. Not caring or knowing how a few words, saying ‘you are ugly’, simply because you are feeling ugly, would have a long-term effect on another individual. How can you blame this woman who even though she went through the pain, she survived to keep them children alive. Though the pain was inflicted on her, she remained and did not care about the pain, but the beauty she saw in the children she created. If there were any feelings of ugliness in her children, she would have left, she would have left as fast as their father did, her own husband did. Simply because he had feelings, he had to see the world, without these kids. Now these grown-up kids sit and wonder. They sit and they wonder, how do we help her heal? For her pain was deep. But her love for us was deeper. They see themselves now and remain amazed by what they had to go through together. And the things happening now, it’s like it all happened just the way it should have happened. They have no regrets for staying with her and she has no regrets waiting for them to grow up. That’s what she tried to tell herself, that she was staying with this husband who abused her simply because he had his own pain, and she had to wait. She had to wait for her kids to get a little older. At least leave them when they know what they are doing. For now, one was in grade four, the other grade five, the oldest in grade eight, and well the youngest, who had not even spoken his first words, apart from a sweet funny sound produced when he used to cry. For he was only three months’ old. Born to a parent who had declared he had no family. Brought to a world where his father had already decided to head to another, where he wanted to settle and build a family with another. Brought to a world where her mother for the first time was going through her heart break. The love of her life had declared a departure. That he had to leave her for he has never envisioned himself growing old with her. She was confused, what is ugly, whilst these kids are the most beautiful kids I have ever seen, and they are typically her. From the personality to the cute faces. She got herself three handsome boys and a sweet beautiful girl. She only knew to hold on to the beauty. She chose to let him go while she stayed. She did choose to react differently to the pain. Not allowing bitterness to possess her, but allowing it to pass. Would I say she is fully recovered? No. But she has been taking the world in her arms since her children grew up. Allowing all of them to be humans of their own. Allowing her to travel in different places. To now heal and experience overflow, instead of lack. To experience a different world on the same earth. I speak of a woman, a strong woman who had her share of hardness. Who had not stopped due to the pain that was caused by the one person she had truly loved. The pain right now, it is way less, maybe none, and maybe gone. The pain that taught the children how sometimes things on Earth are not just black and white. How they are so okay staying away from their father who now cries, to have a minute with them. Understanding how gray it could get, they hold on to the bond created back then. At a timeline when all they could do was hold each other and their grandma as they witnessed their father beat their mother. Knowing life comes with its easiness and hardness, they hold on to the love they know their mama has for them. For yes, like every other kid, they grew up, turned out one way or another. But Love. That love had never been doubted. Never once questioned. Never. For she had them, she had them and they have her. Mtoto kwa mama hakui. She will always treat them as her little sweet babies. That needs saving from an abusive father. And for now, saving them from this abusive world. One which forces expectations and systems that continue to crack and keep failing.

A word to my mama. I love you. Love Is Nothing Without you. I would have never known true love, if not for you. The love of my life. You held me when I was alone. Walk with me on that road while tears were falling down my eyes, and you insisted on how fine everything was going to be. You waited when no one else would have waited. You were there when no one else was. You are here now and I am grateful. To the Lord himself your creator for he knew it would be a perfect match having you by my side as I grow up. To you my wonderful woman. To you my Proverbs 31 Woman. Mama. I love you.

To all the mothers around the world, those here and those we may have lost in this realm. Thank you. For being here. For always being here. For teaching us a love that no one else can ever show or teach. For being women of God. For being Goddesses. For being Lionesses. For being Queens. For being what the Lord had created you to be, helpers, to us, your children, and mostly your husbands, even those ungrateful ones. (Both, ungrateful husbands and kids). Thank you for accepting the hardest job in this realm. Thank you for being mothers. OUR MOTHERS.

With Love, Naomi Nana M.